Jewish Humor - Oy Vey!

Jewish Humor

• Passover Cleaning

  Posted By Mike Rosenthal on March 18, 2010 | Leave a Comment

  

  Once a year, Jews around the world participate in the ritual of giving their houses the equivalent of a full body cavity search. They’ll have you think that they do it because the Torah commands them to get rid of chametz on Passover or something like that, but the real reason is that they’ve lost so many things that by the time Passover rolls around, they have to cannibalize their socks because they’ve completely run out of matching pairs, steal underwear from their wives since theirs ran away with the socks, and hide from the local locksmith after the latest check bounced because he’s spent so much money copying keys that he has to declare bankruptcy and he’s made enough copies to feed a small army, assuming that army eats keys. Which of course it does.

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• Fatherhood Without Brit Mila

  Posted By Mike Rosenthal on March 07, 2010 | Leave a Comment

  

  My wife is pregnant. This is great, because it means I get to be responsible for making sure whatever comes out of there doesn’t kill itself accidentally. From what I hear, babies put everything in their mouths for the evolutionarily advantageous reason that if you put everything in your mouth all the time, you’ll every so often find something that is actually food and slowly but surely, you’ll figure out exactly which things kill you instantly if inserted into the mouth, like bleach; and which things taste good, like antifreeze.

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• Wedding

  Posted By Mike Rosenthal on February 25, 2010 | Leave a Comment

  

  So you’re standing there, under your Wedding Chuppah, having just walked down the aisle to “It’s Raining Men,” if you’re really gutsy, watching as this woman is slowly walking down that same aisle towards you with an artichoke bouquet in hand, and you’re wondering two things. First, if you’re going to suffer an epileptic fit right there due to all the camera flashes, and second, you have a wedgie, and how are you going to pick it without anyone noticing? And are the wedding guests even aware that she’s actually walking down with an artichoke, or do they just think it’s a giant green flower from the Amazon?

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